Things I'm afraid to tell you

So we're now in the tail end of the year, with Halloween almost out of the way (as usual, this year I  didn't finish #inktober *sigh*). And I thought I'd finally put up another blog post. It's not like I've forgotten that this blog section of my website exists...I just usually don't know what to write about. So this post is me copying an idea I found from the fantastic blog, Pikaland. It's from a very old post of hers (which she in turn got from another blog, Creature Comforts - but this website seems to be down at the moment), but I really like the idea of presenting yourself as you are...and not just your highlight reel. 

So here's my top 3: 

I'm a real worry wart. 

Worrying, anxiety and just general over sensitivity can sometimes feel like a barrage of weapons.

Worrying, anxiety and just general over sensitivity can sometimes feel like a barrage of weapons.

I worry about anything and everything. Right now, as I write this, I just caught myself worrying about stray animals overseas because I saw some article weeks ago about animal cruelty. So maybe, I'm just over sensitive...but on the art side, I'll also worry about  whether I'm doing enough. Whether or not I'm making progress. Do I like what I just made? Will people like it? Should I sell ? How should I package things? Etc etc 

It really is tiring and draining. But these days, I've learnt to slowly talk it out with family and friends so that I'm not stewing in my own worries all the time. Rationalizing these thoughts by getting organized and surrounding myself with good vibes helps me a lot and it allows me to gain back the perspective that I had unwittingly thrown out the window. 

Being around people is very draining to me. 

Alone time is good for me - but not too much :) 

Alone time is good for me - but not too much :) 

At its worst, I used to get this awful, heavy feeling of dread for days before an event. I'd lose my appetite and sleep because I didn't know what I was feeling and how to manage it. This is a lot better now than it used to be but there are still days when I'll say no to some kind of social gathering because I just want to stay at home with my cats. I usually don't even have anything I want to do in particular, I just don't want to socialize. 

When I start to feel introverted and anti social, it's important for me to notice it for what it is and not pass it up as 'just being tired' or 'not feeling like going out'. It's important for me to do this because it reminds me that I do like hanging out with like minded people - that I don't always want to be alone. By understanding myself, I know that when I want a break, it's simply because I need to recharge my energy so I can go out again...not to avoid socializing altogether.  

I'm super clumsy

The part where hand and eye coordination is supposed to get better over the years never happened to me. Nor the part where I'm more observant of my surroundings....or the part where I'm less weird. 

Sometime this year the following have happened to me: 

Ouch

Ouch

  • I've stepped on a pin which pierced through the bottom of my foot
  • I've fallen out of a door...yeah...
  • I've spilled boiling hot tea on myself giving me burns on my stomach. 
  • This week, I scraped my arm on a metal ruler lying around my desk giving myself a 3 inch long cut. 
  • I've cut my hand opening my cats' canned food. 
  • I've lost my wallet twice (well the 2nd time I just lost my credit card)

I don't know exactly how I'm trying to improve on this...I think this one might just be a lost cause lol 

 

So there you go. If I seem put together and generally looking like I know what I'm doing...it's only because of a lot of practice, effort and some luck lol . And there are certainly days where that just isn't enough either. But that's my current state and I know I'm improving (except maybe #3 haha ) every day. This is pretty much how I am behind all the Instagram filters, Facebook likes and smiling photos...and I say, hello!